THE CATASTROPHIC VEXILLOLOGICAL EPOCH HOW THE PEOPLE OF THE MODERN WORLD ARE RUINING OUR BELOVED HISTORICAL FLAGS.
By Adhvaith Adav Vasudev, 6th Grade
The Introduction
Flags. We love and use them on an everyday basis. They are a representation of a group of people or a region's culture. Many people all over the world are extremely proud and patriotic of the symbol that represents them. Flags have historical significance to the citizens and residents of the townships, cities, counties, states, territories, political groups, cultural groups and countries. As you can see, they are pretty important. Of course, there is always a way to mess up these beautiful symbols of grand cultures. Who else but obsessed nerds would find a way to minimalistically modernize flags?
The Association's Rules
The vexillological era's birth can be traced back to 4 single words: "North American Vexillological Association." Okay, that may not be the most concise explanation, so let me explain. It all started with an opinionated pamphlet called, "Good Flag, Bad Flag," released by the North American Vexillological Association. It was merely defining what they thought was the ideal "good flag." The so called rules were simple:
1. KEEP IT SIMPLE - THE FLAG SHOULD BE SO SIMPLE THAT A CHILD CAN DRAW IT FROM MEMORY
2. USE MEANINGFUL SYMBOLISM - THE FLAG'S IMAGES, COLORS, OR PATTERNS SHOULD RELATE TO WHAT IT SYMBOLIZES
3. USE 2—3 BASIC COLORS - LIMIT THE NUMBER OF COLORS ON THE FLAG TO THREE, WHICH CONTRAST WELL AND COME FROM THE STANDARD COLOR SET
4. NO LETTERING OR SEALS - NEVER USE WRITING OF ANY KIND OR AN ORGANIZATION'S SEAL
5. BE DISTINCTIVE OR BE RELATED - AVOID DUPLICATING OTHER FLAGS, BUT USE SIMILARITIES TO SHOW CONNECTIONS
As you can see, they are pretty basic opinions of symbols, made by some random nobodies. Luckily, for a good period of time, pretty much everybody didn't care. That all changed in the year of 2017.
The Start of An Era
In the year 2017, the gates opened for flag designs. So many different groups from different backgrounds started to change their flags. American people read this pamphlet and took this as seriously as laws. They changed their beautiful flags to comply with these opinions. Flags like the one of Pocatello, Idaho, changed from an emblem of character, of beauty, to a geometrically shaped banner of landforms. Soon after, other city flags changed from historical beauties to the same squares and rectangles and triangles and stars and oversimplified nonsenses. And it is not like the internet would do anything to help that. The internet, who we will now address as the asinine nincompoops, said that flags are "too boring and complicated at the same time due to those horrible seals." These new rules were growing stronger on the internet and in the modern generation in particular, in fact this is what made some of the state flags of the United States start to change.
The Plague of the States
After changing the city flags, the internet wanted to come for the states next. You see, a lot of the states in this country follow a similar pattern, a state seal pasted upon a blue background. The asinine nincompoops really hated the fact that it broke rule 5. Mississippi was the first to crack. Although this change was probably for the best, considering the fact that it was eerily similar to the Confederate flag. My point is, this decision was brought forth from the peanut brains of the asinine nincompoops. One good idea isn't all deciding. Next was Utah. Similar story, asinine nincompoops, blah, blah, blah. The next one gets good though. A state official of Minnesota was asked by a couple of high-school students, barely older than us, to change the flag of Minnesota. In his case, he spoke direct statements of the pamphlets from the North American Vexillological Association. It worked, somehow. The state of Minnesota, got a new upgrade from a beautiful representation of the strong history of the great state itself, to a new LOWE'S logo. A simplified version of the silhouette of Minnesota next to a big blue banner for, "the sky?" Disgraceful. Wait! What does this mean for us?
The Local Apocalypse
The asinine nincompoops have already reached the town of West Chester back in 2020. We have turned into a shredded Swedish flag. So geometrical and ugly to look at. I think I actually prefer West Chester without a proper flag, believe it or not. So, the asinine nincompoops have already hit our town of West Chester, but surely they can't have done anything else, right? Wrong! 2 years later, the asinine nincompoops got our beloved Chester County. This time, in 2022, on top a white background, there lies a badly drawn eagle on top of a county outline with a badly drawn array of boats, plants, sand, and cows? next to olive branches also badly drawn. They also managed to plonk a name and birthday on the flag. I don't remember flags being a get-to-know-me. I don't see how the asinine nincompoops have satisfied their goal. They managed to break all 5 rules, so I guess this is a lose-lose. It can't possibly be worse, right? Wrong again! 2 years later, in 2024, the state of Pennsylvania got attacked by the asinine nincompoops. A bill is passing through the Pennsylvanian government right now. Believe it or not, but there is support to this. This must change. What is next, our country? These asinine nincompoops need to respect years of history over aesthetics. Don't touch the representation of my group of people or my region's culture.