Door Opener Tier List
By Adhavaith Adav Vasudev, 6th Grade
Door openers, we all know and (should) love them. But have you actually given a second thought to them? Sure, they help us open doors, but do we actually know anything more? We don't only have doorknobs, we've got bar handles, sliding deadbolts, dummies and pull. And that's not even it! Now, take this time to appreciate how beautiful door openers truly are ( in the form of a verbal tier list).
Let's start off by addressing the classic handle. The traditional bar-handle. It is so known, and is used in many places, including our very own Fugett Middle School. Many people use it for a minimalistic-style, easy-to-use door opener. Besides this, they lack class and style. They are standard and basic. Everywhere you look you see them. Pure definition of overrated. D tier.
Knobs. Knobs are the truest form of beauty. Without knobs, all homo sapien on the face of the Earth would collapse onto the ground in the most immediate moment. Knobs string together the delicate fabric of space-time. They have class, style, wonder, why would you not love them? Ok, they slip after you go to the bathroom and your hands are wet, but really, what architect in their right mind puts the beautiful and delicate knob in a place like a bathroom? A tier for existence.
Deadbolts. Why in the modern world would you even use these? How medieval can you get? Why use a whole sliding mechanism of the most complex strategies and ideologies when you can just PULL or PUSH. Imagine if you run into your house and you have a serial killer on your tail. You have to start fumbling for the lock, slide it and go to the other side, then proceed to do the reverse to lock it, which probably wouldn't even work because they are usually one-sided. Don't even try to use, produce, or factorize them. F tier.
Pull Handles. So average. You find them in the silliest varieties of places and there isn't even that much to them. They are just a vertical bar and nothing else. They have gliders and simple mechanisms. They just suck in engineering terms. Where is the creativity, the comfort of a grip? To get this over with, it's underly overrated. C tier.
Dummy Doors. They work. But as the name suggests, they are an architectural dummy. No creativity in any way whatsoever was put into the design of this door opener. No locking mechanism, they're one-sided, and they slam, as loud as fireworks on the 4th of July when you're trying to be sneaky. They don't have enough importance in that the only places you see them are reach-in closets, pantries, and the sale section on Amazon. They don't deserve anything better. Dummies go for $10, whereas others openers go for about $200. It seems as though it was created by a middle schooler. And for this very reason, I respect it. B tier quality.